Classics

Roots was on TV the other night. It was one of those rare occasions that I actually had the remote in my hand, and I was channel surfing. I got all excited. "Roots! Aw, it started a half hour ago. You wanna watch it anyway?" The girl child and the boy child were both sitting on the couch, laptops open, which is basically why I was holding the remote. One was doing homework. The other was playing Minecraft. The girl child looked up, stared at me blankly and said, "What's Roots?" I sat there open-mouthed for a moment. Seriously? How could she not know what Roots was? Everyone knows what Roots is. Who has never heard of Kunta Kinte, or Chicken George? And then it dawned on me. Probably most people born after 1973. If you were born later than that, LeVar Burton is just the guy you kind of remember from Reading Rainbow.

I can't believe I never had the kids watch Roots. I've done a pretty decent job of introducing them to the "classics." You know, everything John Hughes, Ferris Beuller, The Princess Bride, Fame. The girl child can recite Dirty Dancing. She makes her mama proud. But some of my favorites from childhood did not hold their interest, like the Hallmark Hall of Fame production of Cinderella, starring Leslie Ann Warren and the guy who played Alan Quartermaine on General Hospital. The kids could never get into my favorite Friday night lineup of The Brady Bunch, Partridge Family, Welcome Back Kotter, or Happy Days. And looking back at those shows now, I kinda understand why.

When the kids were little, the husband and I had a love/hate relationship with television and were always pretty careful about what the kids watched. I didn't totally understand its allure, but I let the girl child watch Teletubbies. We liked the way Tinky Winky was secure enough in his masculinity to carry a purse. I'm wondering now if this is the source of the girl child's fascination with gay men. I never thought of that. But Cartoon Network was off limits. I must say, I caught a little flack from a couple of the preschool moms. They couldn't seem to understand why I wouldn't let the kids chew gum, drink soda, or watch Scooby Do, but I let them watch SpongeBob. How inconsistent. Well, there was a reason for that. SpongeBob was actually . . . funny. Well, at least it used to be. And not to dis Scooby—we had no qualms with him. It was just that some of the other shows, like Power Puff Girls, were kind of obnoxious. Sure, the girls were "strong," but we preferred Cyberchase. I mean really, there was no contest. Power Puff Girls solved problems by beating everyone up, but the Cyberchase crew used their brains. They did math. It was educational. And, Christopher Lloyd was in it. How could you compare?

It's amazing how much of what a person becomes you can trace back to their early years. The girl child, for example, was always a great photographer. When she was two or three, we gave her one of those flat Poloroid cameras that came with sticker film. It fit perfectly into her tiny hands. She had a blast taking pictures of the baby boy child, the kitten, the stuffed animals, the husband. There are even a couple of shots of me without my hands covering my face. The miniature girl child had an eye, and she still does. Sure, she put the camera down for a few years, replacing it with various drawing implements and ponies, but she always came back.

Last year, the girl child applied to a Blue Ribbon high school in our area that is all about communications: radio and TV, graphic design, filmmaking. The only AP class they have is art. Perfect. She loved the place the first time she set eyes on it. The girl child wants to be a film director and this was the place that could give her a head start. Waiting to find out if she got in was miserable. They pick kids only by evaluating test scores and grades. If she didn't get in, she had to go to the local high school. It's OK, but I heard from a good source that they run their Macs with Windows software. Criminal. She got in, thankfully, because if she hadn't, I had her resume all put together and ready to go to shoot off to the superintendent of the school system as soon as we got the letter. I can be a little crazy when it comes to the kids' educations. I think I have a little rep for that. I may possibly be one of those moms.

I like to be on top of things. If there's something going on that's suspect, well, I've been known to, uh, get involved. I helped catch a chronic online shoe shopper. I caught some flack from some of the other moms for that, too. They liked her. Yeah, she was nice, but she wasn't really doing her job well. And her rewards for the kids included collecting gift money from the other teachers. Or getting snacks for her. Or cleaning out another teacher's bookshelves. I think that at the time, if the girl child could drive, she would have been picking up that chick's dry cleaning. She was out of the classroom a lot. Unacceptable. Needless to say, some people won't be sorry when my kids leave the system. But conversely, if someone's doing a great job, I've been known get involved as well: I shoot them an email, I call a supervisor or two, or make a donation of books to a classroom. And everyone gets homemade cookies. You see, there are no do-overs when it comes to a kid's education. Maybe it's just a holdover from my experiences when I was a kid, an artist forced to take calculus because I was "college prep." I got to where I sort of eventually wanted to go, but in a roundabout way. But there are just a few too many "what ifs" in my life.

We have seen to it that our kids will not have too many "what ifs." They have goals and we try to help them achieve them. When the boy child was little he wanted to be a pizza delivery guy. We liked the way he set the bar high. Then, he got it into his head that he wanted to be a professor of ancient studies at NYU. OK. We're not actually sure NYU offers such a course, but anything is possible. He used to keep the History and Military channels running non-stop. My coffee table looked like a war zone, full of toy soldiers. Or lego. There has always been a lot of lego building going on. The boy child does not seem to be as focused as the girl child, but he actually is. It's just a sort of "scattered" focus. He wants to be an engineer. Or a teacher. Or a teacher of engineering. He's a history buff and a mathematician. He recently applied to a school that specializes in marine science and technology. In one of their classes, they build vehicles with lego. That actually work. At this school, they wear military uniforms and have drill team and Jr ROTC. If he gets in, the boy child will be as happy as the girl child was when she got into her school. I am keeping all my fingers and toes crossed. And so we wait. I have no resume waiting to go this time. We hope he gets in. This is where he needs to be.

This October, I went crazy trying to piece together a costume for the boy child for Halloween. He wanted to be Gengis Khan. That one does not come in a box. We told him that no one would know who he was, but he didn't care. We can attribute the boy child's interest in Gengis Khan to an episode of Time Warp Trio he watched when he was little. He loved Time Warp Trio. Turns out we didn't have Halloween this year because of Hurricane Sandy. The boy child thought that was OK, because he'll wear the costume next year. If he gets to go to the school he applied to, he thinks the kids might actually know who Gengis Khan is. Those kids probably liked Time Warp Trio, too. And Cyberchase. As for the girl child, she is at an age where she now appreciates that the dad on The Wild Thornberrys was voiced by none other than Dr. Frank-N-Furter. You've gotta love that. Talk about classics.